One more for the list.

Today I received a diagnosis of ADHD. 

I've suspected it for some time, it's become more mainstream. Quirky and cute like OCD in many ways, I'm forgetful must be ADHD. I interrupt people, must be ADHD. Except, that isn't what I was seeking a diagnosis for, I was seeking a diagnosis to explain why I couldn't behave like everyone else.

Why I've forgotten people exist, why I'm late despite really trying to be on time, why I don't reply, why I cannot motivate myself to work despite wanting nothing more than to complete a task. Why is the house so chaotic, why is the constant noise so overwhelming, why am I not the parent I thought I would be? What's wrong with me? Where is my phone? Have I taken my OCD medication? Why have I decided to start yet another blog? Why can't I react normally? Why am I crying? Why does everything feel so intense!

I'm not sure what to do now, it answers a lot, it allows me to make sense of the fact that I can be both so impulsive and so anxious - OCD and ADHD coinciding. I'm trying to make sense of what could have been, what if people knew more when I was a child, would things be different? Would I be more successful? But equally, none of that matters, it's done, what do I do now? I'm nearly 40 and have been told I'm neurodivergent, what on Earth am I meant to do with that?