Marathon training.

I've ran a marathon before, it wasn't pretty, the training wasn't pretty and I've felt embarrassed by the time ever since. It's not a bad time, there is no bad time to run a marathon but I set myself a goal which I didn't hit. 

My head got in the way. 

Marathon training is very much about training the body. You cannot simply run 26.2 miles, however as you train, you realise, it is more about training the mind. The body hurts but will keep going, the mind gives up first. First marathon many years ago I was in my twenties, winging life and self-medicating my known OCD and unknown neurospiciness. I hated training, my many disorders meant training was awful. I beat myself up if a run didn't go right, I was concerned about Strava and was obsessed with making sure I trained right. As a result I did not train right, my head got in the way on race day and I've been annoyed at myself ever since. 

Now, I'm older, not wiser but medicated and another marathon is coming up. My first since and I have the same goal. But training is going much better, it's not pretty, not enjoyable but must better. 

Today I ran 17 miles, I did stop, there was traffic, my dog, directions and just WTAF am I doing? moments, however I still did it, more successfully and willingly than any of the long runs on my previous marathon. 

I don't know if I'll get my goal, chasing 40 I feel like it is slipping away  but I don't know what else to do? I can't change the diagnosis so how do I change the training?