I don't know how to not shout.

I grew up in a shouty household, my mum was stressed, she had several kids, several jobs and the weight of the world on her shoulders. So she snapped a lot, shouted, swore, was never wrong and would never apologise. 

She wasn't abusive or neglectful, but she was overwhelmed and overworked, we never went without and she ensured we were fed, dressed, had holidays and school trips. We didn't have designer clothes, fancy holidays or expensive things but we had everything we needed and I never felt like we missed out. I dread how it'll be in the age of social media comparison but I'll work that out when we get there! 

So I digress, my house was full of shouting, full of because I said so, cry and I'll give you something to cry about etc etc. And I wanted to not be that kind of mum, not because my mum didn't love me, she did, but because as a kid, it was horrible. 

But hey, what did I turn out to be? A shouty mum and I hate it, my kids rarely listen first time, often takes 4 times of voice gradually creeping up and a consequence being spelled out before they'll action it. I don't know how else to do it, I'll be ok and then I'm shouting. Difference is, I do apologise after, say mummy was frustrated and that mummy doesn't like to shout but that's how I display frustration but I'm learning to do better. 

I don't want to be a permissive parent as that creates adults with no boundaries or respect, nor do I want to be overly strict as that causes rebellious and dangerous behaviour. I want to create kind adults, who understand consequence and take responsibility but I don't know how to. I know not listening is normal but then I don't want to have the kind of kids who only listen when I'm going mad because that's only when I mean it. We try to follow through with consequences but honestly some of the threats that come out of my mouth when I'm trying to get them to listen are downright bizarre and I'd rather a natural consequence over some unconnected event. Honestly though, my brain doesn't work quickly enough in those scenarios and I end up blurting something random about calling Santa. 

I want to be the parent my children can talk to openly without fear of repercussions and knowing I will help but equally knowing that I am still the parent and not the friend. Anyone got any tips? I'll take any and all!