After recently being diagnosed with ADHD, I don't know what to do about it. I thought it would give me the answers that solved my problems, it had a name and as a result I would be able to motivate myself or concentrate.
I can't. I feel paralysed and angry. Anger at knowing for nearly 40 years that something was different about me. Why has no one noticed, parents, family, friends, partners, teachers, bosses and therapists. No one.
It took breakdowns, overwhelm, shame and guilt for something to go, yes, the reason you've always felt different is because you are. And to be honest, I struggle to accept it, one because I just want to be normal. Two, because knowing it is a relief but it doesnt solve or change it. I need to do the work for that to happen and I'm tired.
After only recently discovering I have PTSD and the emotional journey that continues to take me on, it would have been nice if my fried little brain had a minute to unpack, process and put away before we start the juggle that is 'nothing in society is set up for your divergence' chapter if adulthood.
But that leaves me with grief and anger I have no where to put. It is well documented that ADHD has been underdiagosed in women because of lack of understanding, masking and misconceptions. And with adult diagnosis comes grief, the well could I have been x, y, z had it been known. It's difficult as I love my family but there are things in life I'm not happy with. It's easy to say these would have been 100x better had I had known as a child, equally could not. But old OCD over there that hates uncertainty and is trying to do the impossible.
So for now, I'm left with the anger and no idea what to do with it. Any tips?
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